Why your compliments don't work

Author

Orly Israel
May 30, 2025

In partnership with

Heard this from relationship coach Vanessa Van Edwards:

There is an economy around compliments. They make people uncomfortable and they create a weird hierarchy between people.

So here’s how you can compliment better:

  • Compliment on things that you share (brings you closer)

  • Compliment on things that they worked for (i.e. don’t compliment on height)

  • Compliment on something specific (shows you care)

Bonus points if you can connect the compliment to something that matters to them, or that you know they were struggling with.

“I loved your email today. I know you really care about improving your writing and I have to tell you, the bullet points made it easy to digest, and I even wanted to try it out.”

Now get out there and make someone’s day.

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