what to say when someone needs help

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A friend of mine is going through a tough stretch. A week ago, he asked for help online, which was an incredibly brave thing to do. So I wrote in and offered what he needed—company.

We connected once. And I wrote him one of the following days, letting him know that I’d be happy to spend more time with him, helping him with whatever he needs to make life easier.

He writes back that he’d like that, and also a few things about helping me if and when I need it, and this is the message of today:

Helping someone else doesn’t need to be balanced.

There are times to accept and times to give.
As many givers know, it doesn’t need to be mutual immediately.

“This is your time. Let’s not make it any more than that.”
Reminding the person that it’s okay to be the center of your attention. They’re worth of it. Whether it’s helping them clean their room, prepare some food, or blow off some steam, you are there for them.

“I’m here for you. That’s all I need to do right now.”
Same as the above. Being able to remind someone they are the focus is a necessary part of being there for someone. And to ground them in the moment.

“I’m here to give right now. I just need to you focus on receiving. We can do me time later.”
There’s no pressure to fix a problem right away, but keeping the focus on them and letting them know it’s ok to receive is challenging for many people because of an instinct to reciprocate. But you can save that for when you need it.

Good luck helping people out there,
O

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