The Listener, The Speaker, The Questioner

I’m working through a series of lessons with some of my clients that separates the way we connect into three modes:

The Listener, the Speaker, and the Questioner.

All different, all similar, none better or worse than the other.

The Listener focuses on empathizing with the other, the Speaker aligns with the expression of self, and the questioner often seeks the truth.

The question for consideration:

Which of these modes is most natural for you?
Which one needs the most attention?
What can you learn from each of them?

Wishing you a peaceful new year full of connection with yourself and others,
Orly

P.S.

When I work with young adults, I liken these modes to rock, paper, and scissors.
They all serve a purpose - the focus for them is to learn how to become in control of which mode they’re in, and which they want to give more life to.

I find that natural Listeners wish to be better speakers.
Natural Questioners, too.
And natural Speakers wish to be better listeners.

Let’s consider my short story from last email - a friend is going through heartbreak.

He sits across from me. He says, "It’s not getting better. It’s not going to get better ever.”

Embodying the Listener, I could say:
“Mmmm. It sounds like you’re really heartbroken right now.”

Embodying the Questioner:
“It hasn’t gotten better yet. But is it possible that it will?”

Embodying the Speaker:
“It’s going to get better. Hey. Listen to me. It’s going to get better.”

And then go from there.
None of the answers are right.
None of the answers are wrong.

What matters most is that you are in control.