Inadequate Listening

Imagine you’re anxious about your career. Maybe your job is unstable, or you don’t make enough to feel comfortable, or you don’t have a job at all.

Probably not too hard to imagine.

Someone offers to listen to you. Maybe they don’t say it explicitly, but a friend gives you the time and space to express your doubts and fears and they sit with you showing patience and receptive warmth. You share what’s on your heart.

And they, as a fantastic listener, lean in and activate some of the best active listening techniques on the market—eye contact, reflecting, empathy guessing.

Your heaviness starts to shift and light peeks in. Your mirror neurons fire and you leech some of their calm. Their compassion is contagious and a sliver of it rubs off on you—like a burning ember from a campfire breaking off and landing on your sleeve.

For a moment, you see your issue as temporary.
You see yourself as someone capable.
As someone worthy.

Now herein lies the question: What now for the listener?

Conventional American wisdom says this is the time to act. Your listening friend has primed you to make a change in your behavior or a shift in your behavior.

Do you, listener, offer a gentle push and support in accountability?

or

Do you, listener, simply wrap up the conversation and let them know you’re here if they need you again?

I have my thoughts, but I’d love to hear yours.

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