How to fight with your wife

Having a good fight may be better than having no fights at all

Author

Orly Israel
June 07, 2025

Psychologists John and Julie Gottman spent 40 years studying how couples fight, and they found healthiest couples fight more compassionately.

❌ Most people think good relationships = no conflict
✅ Reality: Good relationships = 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative.

If you’re beefing with your partner, here's what you can actually say:

"I can see this really matters to you." 
Instead of dismissing their concern, you're acknowledging what they care about.

"Help me understand your perspective." 
This shifts you from opponents to teammates trying to solve something together.

"I appreciate you bringing this up." 
Even when it's uncomfortable, you're thanking them for trusting you with their feelings.

You don't need perfection. You just need curiosity.

It's not the big romantic gestures. It's the micro-repairs.

The split second when you feel tension rising and you choose love and connection.

Your brain is rewiring itself in real time. Every small turn toward instead of away is carving a new neural pathway. And you can start this at any age.

Talk soon,
Orly

P.S. - Send this to someone whose relationship you actually care about. We all know a couple who could use this reminder.

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