how to fight over text message

I recently moved into a house with roommates I didn’t know. Then I made one mad in the group chat.

When I read that reaction, I was shocked.
I know it was a bad joke, but that reaction felt over the top.

How to solve a conflict:

Step one: Go straight to the source.

I made a beeline for the sender’s room and said, “Either I don’t understand your humor or I’ve seriously crossed a line.”

Unfortunately, it was the latter.
A line had been crossed and now I had to fix it.

Step two: Make your intentions clear.

“Resolving this matters to me so I’m taking this very seriously. That’s why I’m talking slow and not making any jokes. What’s going on here?”

Step three: Be curious

I opened the door, now it was time to listen.
It turns out this roommate really cares about feeling respected. His upcoming call was important and my message, however humorous I thought it was, implied that I was dismissing his request.

Step four: Explore possible solutions based on values

The problem wasn’t that I wasn’t funny, it was that I disrespected him.

After some back and forth, we settled on a two possible courses of action next time:

1. I respond with “Got it.” — Simply acknowledge and move on.

2. I respond with “Got it. I’ll move tuba practice to noon.” — First respect, then joke. Even if he doesn’t care for my humor, he values the acknowledgment.

And with solutions in mind, we were able to continue into the day feeling like two thumbs up… until my goof.

If you’re in conflict, you got this.

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