four phrases to keep a conversation going

Antonio doesn’t like going out anymore because he can’t hold a conversation. He’s embarrassed that he’s chronically online, and recently did better that he would have liked in a Name That Meme quiz — winning him the title of Brainrot Legend.

Over the last year, he’s lost his job and given up on his social circle, ultimately deciding to try another far away city instead with the hope that is has better opportunity and better people.

I believe there are good people everywhere. But social data says that people are more disconnected from each other than ever before and that we’re spending less time in conversation with each other → resulting in higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and mental health challenges.

Many of us (myself included) withdraw from social circles when life gets tough.
But that causes our social muscles to atrophy. So here are four easy questions to keep conversations going further and get those muscles warm again.

Tell me more.
One of my favorites. Easy to say, and often gives you a whole bunch of insight into what the other person cares about.

What was that like?
A bit more pointed to exploring someone else’s specific experience.

What got you into that?
Often unlocks some personal lore, gets you a fascinating origin story, and you get to listen even more.

How’s that been going?
A bit risky if it’s been going poorly, but meaningful nonetheless.

If those basic questions don’t appeal to you, try this max level question I like to ask:

If you had to list top three things that you paid for this year, what would they be?
This type of question is great to get to know someone because it engages their mind, and gives you multi-faceted insight into their life which you can take multiple directions. You get to learn what they spend money on, what they value, and what they like. And then you can bust out any of the above questions to dig deeper.

Antonio may be out of luck, but not you.

Wishing you light,
O