Ashamed to be lonely?

Orly Israel
May 12, 2025

Loneliness effects almost 1 in 2 Americans, but we never hear people say it because loneliness carries shame because it means admitting “I don’t feel like I belong,” and saying it aloud begs people to refute that.

Because loneliness is symptom of a lack of external validation.

Think of the products that market to lonely people:

Dating apps and material
Buying towards a relationship where love is given and received
Social groups and events
Paying towards joining a group of individuals who inspire and motivate you
Career-help gurus
Investing towards a job that provides security and meaning

All of these products give people a route towards external validation, and all of these converge on the same principle: Your best self is happier, healthier, wealthier, more disciplined and self-aware than you are - so let that person out!

What I find fascinating is this that someone who is dating, rich, surrounded by inspiring peers, and working a job they love may lose one of those things and suddenly feel as lonely as someone who has none of those sources of validation.

Married, rich, great job, but no good friends? → Lonely
Single, great friends, great job? → Lonely

Also, by many accounts:
Dating, rich, great job, great friends + addiction → Lonely
Dating, rich, famous, great job, great friends → Lonely

The solution to loneliness demands only developing self-worthiness not reliant on external things.

Repeat in meditation or song: I am capable. I am powerful. I am worthy. I am.

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